> be me
> working
> wife and baby sleeping
> hear blood-curdling scream
> "HELP"
> run fast af
> blast through door
> 11 month old climbed over baby barricade
> wife holding him by foot
> dangling off bed
> wife terrified
> grab baby
> he looks at me
> smiles
> starts laughing
> wife crying from pure terror
> baby sees her crying
> laughs

mfw baby almost killed himself, thinks its hilarious

Babies have no concept of danger. All they know right now is "I can go places" and "I want to go places". He probably think it's funny Mommy and Daddy gave him a bunch of attention and thought falling was like a fun little ride.

tl;dr on constant suicide watch

I guess Persona saw my post, or other adjacent posts on social media, because Persona sent out an email addressing the findings to their customers.

They wrote the following (although I'm paraphrasing):

1. Persona does not share your customers data outside of scope. They said all contracts are solidified and compliance is important

2. Persona does not work with the Department of Homeland Security, or the United States government in general, however they assert they admit they are seeking potential contracts

3. Persona is not involved with Peter Thiel, although he is an investor. Persona asserts they have no relationship with Palantir

4. Company employees, including investors, do not have access to customer data.

5. They don't plan on saying anything else about this posts on social media because it amplifies stuff. They politely and gently call social media people schizo conspiracy theorists and state they are privately engaging with accredited journalists behind the scenes.

Hello,

I added more malware and more malware papers to the website most of you don't even realize this page is about (I collect malware source code, samples, and papers).

Big updates:
https://vx-underground.org/Updates

Non-core audience when they realize this social media account is actually the social media moniker for a website which collects malware and interacting with this account almost certainty got you put on a watchlist

I've seen nerds say, "how does the malware guy who doesnt go outside have a family and i dont?"

Well, it's very shrimple.

1. I don't talk about what I do, ever. They don't understand malware and if I tried to explain it they'd be scared.

2. I don't tell anyone what I do on the internet, ever. If I told people I unironically talk to cyber terrorists and send the FBI pictures of cats they'd be scared.

3. I don't talk about computers or anything technology adjacent, ever. Computers are for nerds and normal people don't understand it. If I explained anything they'd be scared.

4. I dress normal. I wear generic middle class jeans from generic middle class stores. I wear generic shoes like Nikes. I don't wear cybersecurity shirts. All my shirts are cheap $8 shirts that are blank with no logo on it.

Basically, be a normal person. Talk about dumb shit, like the weather or food, or something. Ask people about themselves (they love talking about themselves). You have to segregate internet person from IRL person.

tl;dr malware is illegal and for nerds

This probably makes me sound like a sociopath, or something, but I very seriously don't talk about vx-underground or anything I do online with people IRL.

Nobody would understand it, I don't feel like explaining it, and truthfully I don't feel like discussing it. I don't need to bond with people over dumb computer nerd stuff.

Online I am "smelly smellington", I collect malware, development malware, reverse engineer malware, and do silly things which are playfully unethical.

IRL I'm a Father, a son, an Uncle, I go to family birthday parties, go do stuff like trick-or-treating, Christmas stuff, family cook-outs, sometimes go to church (I'm not religious, but whatever), etc. I like to watch UFC, weird cartoons on YouTube like MeatCanyon, and enjoy stuff like watching Netflix with my family

smelly smellington != IRL me

tl;dr just be a normal person, nerd

Hello,

I've receive your messages loud and clear. You want more cat pictures. I have 12 "cat blocks" on VXUG already. Each "cat block" is 2,000 pictures. I'll add like, 37 more blocks.

I will work on uploading tonight

https://vx-underground.org/Archive

I make them smaller "blocks" because last time I bundled them all together it was over 162GB and several thousand people tried it download it at once.

It resulted in 100TB of data attempting to be pulled and our infrastructure imploded.

tl;dr ddos via cats

My computer hard drive sounds like a bunch of loose change bouncing around inside a dryer.

No idea what that means

It suddenly stopped. Now it sounds like a bunch of fish gurgling under water.

"Because of Claude, a practicing physician was able to vibe code an app to work with his patients. With AI, anyone can be a software engineer!"

Correct. Likewise, anyone can be a Doctor now. Claude, diagnosis my patient, make no mistakes.

You don't need to visit a Doctor. Visit M.D. Smelly Smellington's AI healthcare facility (The M.D. stands for Madeup Doctor).

United States Colorado Sen. Matt Ball and Rep. Amy Paschal have authored bill SB26-051.

SB26-051 would require Operating System, such as Windows or Linux, to perform age verification on users which then third party apps can leverage via API to ensure someone's age.

You can read more about it in the link below. As is tradition, this is a proposed bill and is not officially law. It is just a proposal. There is no guarantee it would pass into law.

https://www.biometricupdate.com/202602/colorado-moves-age-checks-from-websites-to-operating-systems

>be me
>have influenza type a, like 3 weeks ago
>recover
>omg thank god
>fast forward
>visit family
>they have a bunch of kids
>running around
>coughing
>smearing boogers everywhere
>haha im immune
>fast forward to thursdays
>cough
>hehe throat tickles
>saturday
>coughing up mystery goop
>ears popping (???)
>fatigue
>body aches

I'm gonna say something no one has the balls to say. We need to BAN children. Children need to be CRIMINALIZED. They're disgusting creatures and create plagues (except my son, he's perfect in every way imaginable)

I've never gotten this sick until my son was born and we started spending more time around other family members and their children.

WHY ARE THEY SO DISGUSTING? WHY DO THEY MAKE DISEASE? This kid ran up, said "Uncle Smelly, can I have a hug?". I said, "Haha, of course kiddo".

HE COUGHS IN MY FUCKING FACE. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? IS HE INSANE

/me flips desk

Meanwhile on Xitter, games are extremely mad about this new Xbox CEO being a woman and also being Indian. I know absolutely nothing about her, but I decided to make a post praising her for her success. As expected, gamers are MAD. Conspiracy theories are floating around that I am actually an Indian living in INDIA. Some have speculated I am a SIMP and Microsoft CUCK.

I am sick, but enjoying reading comments from GAMERS about this DEI INDIAN WOMAN and how she is RUINING GAMING

tldr bored, sick, made silly post, gamers mad.

https://x.com/vxunderground/status/2025416657024266362