This received nearly 2,000 likes. I will upload 2,000 malwares to prod in your honor.

Just kidding.

I'm pushing 275,000 malwares (I was prepared for 275,000 likes)

Pic unrelated

tl;dr Trump administration said "ransomware, fraud, cybercrime is for nerds and the nerds pissing me off bigly fr"

Then he said, "fuck it, hit is up, if you're cool we'll let you perform hack backs, it's not even a big deal anymore, whatever fuck it bro, do your thing"

Then everyone clapped and said, "wow thats a totally unique idea" then they said "gng, chinas been doing this bro, on god"

I checked my DMs today.

I was thanked for the vx-underground drives at the DEFCON Data Duplication Village

I was not aware vx-underground copies would be at the DEFCON Data Duplication Village

I was asked about the vx-underground party at DEFCON

I was not aware vx-underground had a party at DEFCON

Kind of weird, because I'm the only person on this social media profile now (Bradley is still gone), and I'm the only person who works on vx-underground now.

But, ... okie dokie ...

Apple devices now give you alerts if you're cool and badass

> be me
> decide to buy new electric shaver
> go to store
> purchase
> $239.99
> ultra mega fuck off shaver 9000
> go home
> open box
> requires Bluetooth connection
> requires making an account
> requires location sharing
> collects information about shaving habits

I don't know why my shaver needs my first name, last name, email address, telephone number, an app installed, bluetooth enabled, location sharing enabled, and local network device finding enabled ... to trim my beard

I keep seeing terrible news about crypto theft, kidnapping, hacks, etc.

I've come up with a solution.

I'll build a special place where you can safety store your cryptocurrency. It will have polite people that greet you when walk in the building, some sort of vault that is fire proof, tornado proof, flood proof, etc. The place will be clean, play boring music, but it'll make you feel fancy and stuff.

You can safety deposit your crypto currencies into this build. I will establish a relationship with the local police department, install panic buttons to immediately notify them if anyone tries any funny business. I'll also implement boring rules, procedures, and protocols, to ensure employees are incapable of stealing your cryptocurrencies.

In exchange for holding your cryptocurrency I'll charge a nominal fee, monthly or annually, alternatively I will borrow against your cryptocurrency to invest into other things.

I'll call it "table", because when we talk business we'll be sitting a table.

I'm a god damn genius

Omfg bro, I just accidentally invented the modern banking system.

They even stole my idea of "table". Banks are called banks because it used to be "bench" because they would talk business while sitting on a bench at the local marketplace

Omg bro people always steal my ideas

Anthropic CEO wife hung out with Epstein and ... PITCHED PORNOGRAPHY BUSINESS IDEAS TO HIM

Looks like Christmas came early this year boys.

We got ourselves a Threat Actor distributing malware masquerading as a reverse engineering tool, trying to compromise security researchers.

Thanks for the goop, ya doofus

> be me
> get dm
> its my friend @Intel80x86
> author of @HyperDbg
> wtf i love him
> open message
> "smelly i got goop"
> wtf i love goop
> "i found malware campaign"
> wtf i love malware campaigns
> "The Threat Actor(s) have created a website which is specifically tailored to malware analysts, or reverse engineers, who utilize hypervisor-based frameworks. Their malware campaign appears to have begun about 8 days ago. I became aware of the issue when their "product" compared themselves to HyperDbg. Their website is clearly vibe coded, however parts appear to be in Mandarin"
> wtf theyre targeting people who like goop
> sends url to website
> vt01[.]com
> look inside
> lol ai slop
> go to download page
> vt01[.]com/en/download
> immediately flagged as malware by firefox
> allow download plz
> split nanosecond touches the disk
> windows: OMFG MALWARE!!!
> ??? this malware STINKS
> sha256: 5934d1a64afd62e7d1badb81e8613e01efe9cf9c7d6748271c6d0761e3b11eb7
> look inside
> delphi, weird PE sections
> throw into triage
> YARA rules IMMEDIATELY identify the malware family
> XRed
> wtf is XRed?
> cant remember any family named XRed
> December, 2025: XRed impersonates Indian Ministry of Finance and Income Tax Department
> December, 2025: XRed targets US and UK companies that do business in India
> March, 2025: XRed targets manufacturing companies in the United Kingdom
> May, 2025: Threat Actors compromise ProColored, their driver update was compromised to push XRed
> July, 2025: Threat Actors compromise video game mouse company, push malware to video game players who use EndGame Gear for gaming

this is strange goop

Romance isn't dead

uhhhhhhhhhhh

Ohhh, looks like AI can read and write faster than you. You're cooked, 8 year old child enrolled in Elementary school, AI is going to replace you

Might as well give up on reading and writing, the machine is better. Go work in the schlinkus fields

Opinion: anyone publishing AI written books on Amazon should be bludgeoned with a baseball bat

Taking out a second mortgage on my house tomorrow so I can buy a new computer

I was like, "Nah, I'll have plenty of time to bonk stuff with a stick when I have a baby. Parents are being dramatic that it's exhausting and time consuming"

Chat, I was wrong. My only free time is shower, poop, 2am when everyone sleeping, or when I'm sleeping

Wasn't on social media today, been extremely busy, I hopped on this afternoon to see what I missed, all I missed was the same old bullshit AI arguments people keep getting into it

Please start discussing something else. I would like to return from my chaotic personal life to something other than AI sloponomics.

Thank you to everyone who sent me malware though, I really appreciate it, unfortunately I've been super super super busy due to family stuff and life stuff. I love you. I seriously appreciate it.

Anyway, I've got some malware for the website, I'll push it when I've got a chance.

I love you
Mwah mwah kisses xoxoxoxo
- smelly Smellington