mfw someone gets a free $81,000,000,000,000

RIP to the homie Skype 🙏

Skype is on life-support. Microsoft confirmed they're pulling the plug May 5th, 2025.

August 29th, 2003 - May 5th, 2025

We missed the Skype hype. When Skype was popular, we were still arguing on Freenode, but we are told many noobies got their introduction to nerd shit from Skype.

Go'bless

Congratulations to Mr. Elon Musk on the birth of his 14th child.

He now has more kids than the number of people I talk to in real life.

Hi, administrative updates.

1. We're still migrating the virus-dot-exchange database. It has taken us over 30 days. Why? I don't feel like explaining, but believe it or not this is the fastest we can move malware for the time being. It needs to be made clear that this is individual malwares, this is not the bulk downloads people prefer. All those giant .7z files you pull are already moved, live, and available for download.

What we're doing now is moving every single malware individually.

We've moved 9,415,637 malwares. We still have quite a bit to go. We're moving probably 500,000 - 1,000,000 a day from one backend to another.

2. We've got a lot of papers and malwares in queue. We haven't added it yet because I REALLY want to finish this fuckin' database migration. I am allocating 100% of resources to moving this malware so it's done and I can forget about this nightmare.

3. Despite our constant growth (on social media and our malware library), we've lost a considerable amount of monthly donors and sponsors. We've lost 2 sponsors and probably 30+ individual monthly donors. Every person has cited they simply do not have the financial means to donate to us for the time being. We have money to keep our heads above water, but if you'd like to help us, please consider throwing us some money. I strongly dislike begging for money on social media.

Have a nice morning, noon, or night
-smelly smellington

As we've been exploring Discord cybersecurity servers here is what we've learned:

- Every Discord is the BEST server for {HACKER_THING}
- Every Discord does {THING} weekly
- Every Discord is noob friendly (as opposed to openly discriminating against uneducated people)
- Every Discord tagged "cybersecurity" will NOT discuss malware (it's illegal and for nerds)
- Highest displayed people must have weird font in their display names, making them difficult to read or impossible to tag
- Everyone is "extremely busy" but on Discord all day, everyday, nonstop, and providing updates on how extremely busy they are
- Everyone who is a "hacker" has a flashy and cool Discord profile (they paid $15.99 for it)
- Everyone is an OSINT expert
- Everyone is a programming expert
- Everyone is a Linux expert
- Everyone is an omnipotent being, capable of bending space and time
- Everyone is top 1% of HTB

"WE TEACH OFFENSIVE SECURITY: MASTER THE DARK ARTS AND BECOME 1337 HACKER (except malware, malware is pure evil, a dark art that should not be taught)" — hacker courses

We received this message on Telegram.

All of us are in our 30's, some are indeed closer to 40 years old. To put it into perspective, I've been coding for 19 years. Based on this message, there is a high probability I've been coding longer than they've been alive.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We've been told several times our jokes are not funny and we come across as "depressed ass millennials". You're not wrong in that assessment, our sense of humor is (probably) outdated.

tl;dr we're aging, it shows in our humor 😭

back in the day, when i was in my late-teens/early-20s, instead of taking trash to the dumpster, i would just throw it in my apartment fireplace. every night i burned my trash. i just didnt wanna go outside

Someone sent us this photo. Someone is impersonating us on Telegram (as is tradition).

We'd never call someone "patriot". We're not Facebook schizoboomers. Also, unironically, we initiate most our conversations with a photo of a kitty cat or say "ping".

No disrespect to the artistic nerds, but if you contact us via DM, or e-mail, or whatever — we're always down to potentially buy some artwork. But, we traditionally go with a 80's and/or 90's mall goth computer vibe.

Your gamer profile picture artwork doesn't fit with us.

We also aren't interested in furry artwork.

We appreciate the pitch and for you thinking of us. But uh, we're just not that group. Bring us some dark edgy retro stuff and we'll happily talk.

Help

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

Last week Qilin ransomware group hit a small time car dealership in the United States. They were like, "nah, that's not shitty and fucked up enough" and proceeded to ransom a cancer treatment center in Japan.