Today CrowdStrike pushed out a botched update.

It has resulted in outages in Banks, Airlines, Emergency hotlines, ???

It's 6am on a Friday and CrowdStrike cooked the internet

As we continue to do our daily news check up, we can confirm that CrowdStrike has performed a colossal oopsie and has done catastrophic damage.

We have never witnessed an oopsie of this magnitude

CrowdStrike has performed the largest ransomware attack in history.

Accidentally.

How to fix the Crowdstrike thing:

1. Boot Windows into safe mode
2. Go to C:\Windows\System32\drivers\CrowdStrike
3. Delete C-00000291*.sys
4. Repeat for every host in your enterprise network including remote workers
5. If you're using BitLocker jump off a bridge

CrowdStrike cooked the Los Angeles International Airport

Even non-nerds freaking out – they think it's some massive 1337 hack (it's just bad coding).

CrowdStrike cooked SkyNews. They're trying to do the news with no computers.

CrowdStrike cooked airports in India. They're issuing handwritten boarding passes

We apologize to the many people who follow us online.

Instead of doing our regular malware sample family updates and pushing new papers, we're going to meme this CrowdStrike thing until we develop arthritis.

Stock exchange opened. It appears CrowdStrike share holders are relatively concerned.

The office printer seeing the IT Team trying to print thousands of BitLocker keys

The IT team when they realize they're out of ink and need to handwrite them

In all seriousness, we offer our most sincere condolences to our friends and colleagues who work at CrowdStrike.

We're sorry we're memeing so hard — but the situation is so unbelievably bad it's borderline satire.

We thought like, maybe a big ransomware incident, or a data leak.

We didn't expect arguably one of the largest IT outages in history caused by arguably one of the largest cybersecurity companies in history.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Leaked footage of CrowdStrike's legal department this morning

"We need you to come info the office and help us find all the BitLocker keys"