it’s my birthday again. this past year has been hard. something came and left. a lot has changed or maybe i have. i only wish to keep growing into a someone better. thats always been the wish. i still desire to be joyful, even if what definition of happiness to me doesn't quite fit the shape of my life anymore. i know that i'm still learning, still trying, and that should be enough. i won't be so hard on myself. to the version of myself that once fell: i've lived through you and i forgive you. maybe one day, all of this will make sense. perhaps one day it'll be matter. i don’t have a specific plan for the future and at the moment, i’m fine with that. i just hope mowi remains with me. it’s one the few things that makes me feel present, like i'm really here, really seen. although i may be clumsy at times, i believe they know how much they mean to me. i've always lived through ideas and dreams. now, i've also discovered how much pain they can cause. but maybe that’s part of it, maybe to really feel life, you have to know how it feels like to feel a bit broken. i may not understand it all yet. however, i trust that one day, i will. thank you jasmine and mowi, all of you. let’s keep choose happiness, no matter how it comes our way. happy on turning 18!

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