And my snail died :( had babies first but still :(((

I’m exhausted, nothing is going my way, and I can’t even relax because there’s folks moving in (which is not like, a thing I hold against them it’s just clutter is triggering)

Channel: @RubberFursIRL
Source:
https://x.com/i/status/2065770640687153396

Hot (and perhaps galaxy brain) take: transmisandry (as in, the intersection of transphobia and misandry) doesn’t make sense:

1. Misandry (as in structural sexism against men) doesn’t exist in the vast majority of societies.
2. Trans men are men
3. Trans men can experience transphobia, but the experience isn’t integrated with misandry (because such a thing does not exist in 99.9% of cultures)

Spelt remember wrong so many times my phone now autocorrects to “Rember”

Where did my joy go?
I looked for it in a cartoon
I peered into my plushies
I snuggled a dozen girls
I found only traces. Not even a goodbye note.

What do I need to eat to put the butterflies back in my stomach?
There’s acid crawling up my throat instead.

Where is my inner eye? Am I truly myopic or is the mind malingering?

This anger, the stress, could it really have poisoned me so?

I just feel so disconnected with myself. I don’t generally feel this way because I’m too busy to feel. I hate what I’m becoming, but I know that I become what I think repeatedly.

I just… I want to be a kid again. Regressing dosen’t work anymore though. Something about it is off.

I just wish I could do the things I used to. But how did I build that garden in the first place? I didn’t take notes…

There’s something broken in me. But maybe, just maybe that broken thing is actually what I’ve been working hard to fix.

I’ve been trying so hard to be zero maintenance… everyone has so much going on. So I cram it down. And it gets masked with anger, especially to myself. But it’s not righteous anger. It’s that acidic kind.

I hurt a lot. I try not to say anything but look where that gets me: a hollow fucking shell.

I tried so hard to “get better”. But what even is better? Some psychiatric bullshit meant to put me in a job?

I’d like to be more me. I’ve lost sight of who I am, I only have the words. Flimsy, I lack the actual being of myself.

I betrayed my identity, my politic, and love itself.

I used to be a being of love and light. Where did it go? How do I reclaim that?