The Wisdom of Captain Tater

It was a calm night at sea. The First Mate was keeping watch from the crow's nest when he noticed a ship drawing near. He drew his spyglass for a closer look, and realized that it was a rival pirate crew. "Captain! We've got trouble!"

The crew assembled on the ship's deck, and they could see who it was that they were dealing with - it was Captain Saladin and his crew. Slave raiders from the Barbary Coast. But what were they doing here?

Captain Saladin's crew loaded up their ship's cannons and fired. Captain Tater managed to duck just in time as a cannon ball whizzed past his head. Luckily, nobody was hit. "All hands on deck!" roared Captain Tater. "Prepare to return fire!"

"Wait!" a member of the crew shouted. "Don't return fire! It's what the Jews want!" Captain Tater was bewildered.

"What fucking Jews?"

"Captain! Saladin and his men are our Based Brown Allies! They could be of great use against our Kosher overlords!" Captain Tater was surprised to hear this. Just then, Saladin's cannons fired again. Chain shot shredded one of the sails on the ship.

"You fucking dickhead!" roared Captain Tater as he hoisted the interrupting sailor over his head and threw him overboard. "Does anyone else want to make a conspiracy theory about who's really running my ship, or are we gonna fight back?" The crew was enlightened, and proceeded to fight to a hard earned victory.

I have just realized it is impossible for flatearthers to understand 2-dimensional manifolds, in particular local vs global properties. Not to scare with the word, but if you are not a flatearther, trust me, you got the concept already

27 March 1999. Pride of American aviation