The Italian Man Who Went to Malta 🔫 What could go wrong, right

Did you miss our pronunciation series? Let's see what went wrong in the video

TRANSCRIPT
One day, I'm going to Malta to book a hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress I wanted two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her, "I want two piece." She said, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I wanted two piss on my plate." She said, "You better not piss on the plate, you son of a bitch!" I don't even know the lady, and she calling me a son of a bitch.

Later, I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her, "I wanted the fork." She telling me, "Everyone want to fuck." I tell her, "You don't understand. I want fuck on the table." She say, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch!"

So I go back to my room in the hotel, and there is no sheets on the bed. Call the man and tell him, "I want a sheet." He tell me to go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand. I want shit on my bed." He say, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch!"

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk say, "Peace on you." I said, "Piss on you too, you son of a bitch! I'm going to back to Italia. I leave today."

📌Misunderstanding No 1: Two Pieces of Toast

What the Italian man wants to say: "I want two pieces" /tuː ˈpiːsɪz/

What he actually says: "I want two piss" /tuː pɪs/

The confusion: "pieces" /ˈpiːsɪz/ → "piss" /pɪs/ (urine)

The Italian accent drops the final syllable and shortens the vowel

📌Misunderstanding #2: Fork

What the Italian man wants to say: "I want a fork" /fɔːk/

What he actually says: "I want to fuck" /fʌk/

The confusion: "fork" /fɔːk/ → "fuck" /fʌk/

The Italian accent may pronounce "fork" with a shorter vowel and less distinction between /ɔː/ and /ʌ/

📌Misunderstanding #3: Sheets

What the Italian man wants to say: "I want a sheet" /ʃiːt/

What he actually says: "I want to shit" /ʃɪt/

The confusion: "sheet" /ʃiːt/ → "shit" /ʃɪt/

The Italian accent shortens the long vowel /iː/ to short /ɪ/

📌Misunderstanding #4: Peace

What the receptionist says: "Peace on you" /piːs ɒn juː/ (a blessing/greeting)

What the Italian man hears: "Piss on you" /pɪs ɒn juː/ (urinate on you - an insult)

The confusion: "peace" /piːs/ → heard as "piss" /pɪs/

Same vowel length confusion

🪴Key Phonetic Patterns:
🫧Long vs. Short Vowels
🫧Final Consonants and Syllables: Italian words typically end in vowels, so Italian speakers may drop or reduce final consonants
"pieces" /ˈpiːsɪz/ becomes "piss" /pɪs/

Guys, you may genuinely just want some clean sheets (shits) and peace (piss). Please work on your vowel length!

PS: you know the friend who will enjoy this and the admin who will enjoy +1 reader. You can make the magic happen 🌈

🧸 Please DON'T make these 14 Freudian typos today

Typos are a real plague. @ybeymlina can't count the number of times she signed off as «Бля» instead of «Юля,» which put her relationships to a test.

14 Typos We've Seen With Our Own Eyes: how many corporate cliches have you guessed behind the typos?

1) "Dead Sir" > "Dear Sir"

2) "I hope all is hell" > "I hope all is well"

3) "Keep me in the poop*" > "Keep me in the loop*"

4) "Massage me when you're free" > "Message me when you're free"

5) "Hoe* can I help you?" > "How can I help you?"
6) "Best Regrets" > "Best regards"

7) "Good morning Madman" > "Good morning Madam"

8) "Have a lonely weekend" > "Have a lovely weekend"

9) "Good moaning*" > "Good morning"

10) "Please lick the link" > "Please click the link"

11) "Hope this message finds you in a well*" > "Hope this message finds you well"

12) "Hell to all" > "Hello all"

13) "Kind retards*" > "Kind regards"

14) "As per my precious* email" > "As per my previous email"

📹 reference BusinessLinkUAE

*Glossary

🫧Hoe / ho (offensive): a woman who has many casual sexual encounters
🫧Keep me in the loop: make sure I get regular updates about what's happening
🫧Poop: 💩💩
🫧A well: a deep hole in the ground used to get water from underground
🫧Precious: very valuable or special; something you care about deeply and don't want to lose. Remember Gollum form "The Lord of the Rings" keeping saying "My precious 💍"
🫧Retards: people with low IQ
🫧Moaning: who knows? Explain diplomatically;)

WBU
👩‍💼 I communicate with clients and team mostly by email
☕️ I communicate with clients and team mostly by messengers

💅 1-minute Exercises to Squash 3 Common Problems Among B2 English Learners

📹 YouTube Video (13 min)

Remember 4 posts ago, we shared 3 common struggles that hold "PitchUp" members back from delivering high impact speeches?

The 1st step - recognising the problems: done
The 2d step - finding adequate tools to tackle the problems: in progress
The 3d step - execution

3️⃣In this video, you'll find 3 super simple exercises for 3 underestimated problems that pull back high level English learners. You can do all 3 of them on your own, daily, which will take under 10 minutes.

TIMECODES

00:00 Intro, Challenge and a Special Offer
01:25 Exercise 1 - for Intonation
05:59 Exercise 2 - for Filler Words
10:23 Exercise 3 - for Signposting

WARNING

The 1st time you're doing these exercises: they feel awkward
The 3d time you're doing these exercises: you start giggling* and having fun
After a week of doing these exercises: you're addicted

*Glossary
🫧To giggle: to laugh in a light, high-pitched way, from amusement, nervousness, or embarassment

🪴 Enjoy

Any of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fans here? 😊

In the book, a supercomputer is asked to find “the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.” After thinking for 7.5 million years, it answers: 4️⃣2️⃣

The joke is that they got a clear answer (42) but realized they never actually knew what the question was. So the answer is meaningless without knowing what question it’s answering.

As a meme, “42” is used as a funny response when:

🫧Someone asks a big, impossible-to-answer question
🫧The answer to something is unclear or absurd
🫧To joke that life has no simple explanation

It’s basically saying “the answer is meaningless” or “nobody really knows” in a nerdy way.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

LAST CALL for ambitious high level English learners

"S2S" and "PitchUp" prices will go up one more time on Wednesday, January, 21, to remain stable till April.

YOU CAN

• start acting on the promises you've been giving to yourself
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• discover a new quality of language training, from @ybeymlina, the expert blending linguistics, business, and psychology training

DISAMBIGUATION

• PitchUp - Business English for entrepreneurs and top managers. 90 min weekly workshops in small groups with Yulia
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