She right angling on my drive till my almonds activate

wtf my phone is pregnant. the battery is ballooning and swelling up. it also is really warm to the touch

in all seriousness, was charging my phone, prepping to fill computer with mayonnaise. phone was being weird, not holding charge. picked up phone, it felt really hot. phone felt kind of bent, flip it around, the back of phone is cracked and battery is swelling up lmfao

Admin reveal

Can anyone versed in neopaganism explain why "lol Jesus was Jewish" is supposed to be an insult

Happy calendar emoji day 📅

We have concluded the science. It takes 3 ½ thingies of mayonnaise to fill up a Dell Optiplex

Initially I planned on writing peoples names on a piece of paper and placing it on the mayonnaise. However, much to my surprise, 3 ½ thingies of mayonnaise leaves a horrific, nearly suffocating, stench of mayonnaise. My entire home stinks of mayonnaise.

During the experiment I, of course, planned accordingly. To ensure no mayonnaise contaminated me I stripped into my undies and used disposable rubber gloves to carefully manipulate the mayonnaise.

As mayonnaise jar thingie 3 was completed, as I was moving to the 4th jar, my wife woke from her slumber. She exited the bedroom and asked why the house stinks of mayonnaise.

She arrived in the living room to see me in my underwear, wearing rubber gloves, filling a computer with mayonnaise. She looked at me, with confusion and frustration in her eyes, and said, "Are you fuckin' serious right now? The whole house stinks like mayonnaise. I had a long day with the baby and I'd like to get some quality sleep for once"

I apologized.

She then angrily walked back to the bedroom and said, "Jesus Christ men are so damn dumb. It's like I'm living with 2 babies" and slammed the door.

Chat, we cookin' fr. Haters gonna hate

Thank you for your contributions to science smelly

Adult life expectancy has always been around 70-80 years old, the challenge was not dying as an infant/child. All medicine has done is make us slightly less squishy early on in life

My sister-in-law works at Starbucks. she has a drink she calls the Werther's Rimjob.

caramel frap, with 12 pumps of caramel, caramel whip. And seven shots of blond espresso.

I'm a truck driver with a really high tolerance to caffeine.

that shit had me Tweaking™ for like 15 hours. 10/10.